Visions of you (open)

[Nate]

"Finally, something we can both agree on!" He locked eyes with her briefly before quickly looking away again. For that brief moment, he was almost convinced that he wasn't looking into Trixie's eyes, but into April's. That was the last thing he needed to be thinking about. Nervously, he cleared his throat. "I.... umm.... sorry. I didn't mean.... Wow, I must look like a fool right now."

He carefully slid away from Trixie before slowly starting to rise to his feet. "I should probably go."

[Trixie]

She blinked up at him. "I--okay...if ya say so..." She got up, too. "Did--did I do somethin' wrong?"

[Nate]

"No, not at all!" Nate shook his head quickly. He turned his head to look back over at her and reached for her hands. "You didn't do anything wrong, Trixie, I promise."

He stood silent for a moment, trying his best to gather his thoughts. "It's just that, for a second, you reminded me of someone."

[Trixie]

She gave him a curious look, then arched a brow as it dawned on her. "I remind you of your dead girlfriend, so now ya don't wanna be near me?"

[Nate]

"I didn't say I didn't want to be near you. That's not the case at all. It's just.... I don't know," he explained with a sigh. If there was a perfect description of crashing and burning, this would be it. "I wasn't expecting it."

"Besides," he continued, "it's not fair to you. I shouldn't be spending time with you because if who you remind me of or who you're like. I should be spending time with you for just that. You. I don't want to be unfair to you, you deserve better than that."

[Trixie]

She frowned a little. Trixie did not get rejected often. She wasn't used to hearing the word 'no.' "Can you honestly walk out this room and tell me a piece a' ya don't wanna kiss me?"

[Nate]

"Of course a piece of me wants to," he admitted with a casual shrug. He shoved his hands into his pockets and nervously shifted from one foot to the other and back again. "You know you're a beautiful girl, there's no hiding or denying that. I just.... I just wouldn't want to kiss you solely based on the fact that you remind me of what I've lost."

[Trixie]

"So that's it? 'Cause I'm blonde and like Christmas, you ain't gonna kiss me?"

[Nate]

"No, it's not just that!" Nate sighed heavily. This was NOT going the way he was hoping it would. "Your smile, the way you made a couple light jokes at my expense. Your eyes. It's more than just the love of Christmas."

He looked away, his head shaking slowly. "Or maybe I'm just looking too hard for similarities."

That single sentence was the most sensible thing he had heard himself all night. The more similarities he found, the less he wanted to get close to Trixie. The longer he went without getting close to her, or any girl, the longer he could go without having to completely let go of April.

He bit hard down on his lower lip and sank back down to the floor. "This is a rough thing to have to face."

[Trixie]

She watched him a minute, then moved to sit facing him, indian-style. "I know it. But maybe ya gotta."

[Nate]

"I know. I know I have to," he confessed, his hands slowly wringing. "We thought we had it all figured out. Every single detail was in place." He shrugged, still not looking across at her.

"It's the worst feeling, having your entire world ripped from you. After that, it got easy to lose my focus on everything else."

[Trixie]

She reached out to him, taking both his hands in hers, holding their hands between them. "Ya really loved her, huh."

She had no idea what that feeling was like.

[Nate]

He looked down at their hands and nodded slowly. He gave her hands a small squeeze before finally looking back up at her face. "I did," he replied simply.

"That's why I wouldn't want to compare you to her. You might not agree with me, but I think you're worth more than having to live up to a long-gone comparison. I meant it when I said you were a beautiful girl, Trixie, but I just want to be fair to you."

[Trixie]

"When you gonna start bein' fair to yourself, Nate?" She met his eyes. "Huh? When?"

[Nate]

Upon hearing Trixie's question, all he could do was shrug. She had a point, but he had no real answer for her. "How do you suggest I be fair to myself?" he asked in reply, his eyebrows arching.